Knox Everett 11.24.15

The pregnancy seemed like it lasted a year and yet a minute all at the same time. With a toddler to chase around you have less time to think about being pregnant I guess. 

Knox is our sweet surprise. Kory and I were both so excited when we found out he was a BOY! I had such an easy pregnancy...until the end...and then man, the hip & pelvic pain was so bad I could barely walk. I gained less weight this time around and we were praying for a smaller baby (Hazel was 9lb 14oz) so I focused more on my diet, or atleast I tried to, and it really paid off. I hope I always remember how active Knox was inside my belly - how it felt to always have his butt up in my ribs...how his little foot would shake...

Because of how big Hazel was, my midwife and I had determined to get labor going a couple weeks early this time...but as life happened it was 39 weeks before I got my membranes stripped. With Hazel this worked within 24 hours - this time, nothing happened. My sister was in town to help with Hazel whenever I went into labor so we were all eager to meet Knox. I had so much start and stop contractions through the weeks leading up to his birth - again so different from Hazel! Also, this whole pregnancy I had it in my head that my water would break first for some reason. Monday, November 23rd (I was due Nov 25th) I took Hazel to the zoo with some friends and walked around for hours...then I came home and at dinner started having contractions {again}. Nothing different than all the start and stop I had experienced before so I tried not focusing on them. Kory and I had really prayed for a shorter labor this time...less pushing...smaller baby...and I had determined to be more positive mentally during this labor. After Kory and I went to bed the contractions started getting more consistent and stronger but I was just trying to sleep. I got up and made so many trips to the bathroom (ya know, lovely early labor cleaning out). Then at 1:30am my water broke. What an insane feeling! I jumped up and yelled to Kory and he got up immediately - half asleep, poor guy - and started getting things ready. The next few hours of contractions were fairly manageable. I stayed positive, kept telling myself I was stronger than the contractions...and Kory was so encouraging. I felt like Kory and I were so much more in tune to each other this time. Maybe its because we knew what to expect this time around, but for whatever reason it was so sweet to me. Gina (my midwife) showed up between 3-4am...but she didn’t check me until around 7am. Being a midwife myself, the temptation to check myself was too strong...and I kept checking myself and feeling so much cervix! This was discouraging and got me stuck in my head...because I knew had a posterior cervix and it could take hours to completely dilate. Dumb, I know, but being a midwife and trying to give birth without analyzing everything is really hard!! From 7am on I really struggled, both mentally and physically. The pain was excruciating - every contraction I would have sharp, shooting pain down my legs. This, coupled with the feeling that my pelvis was going to explode outward, had me seriously considering the fact that I might be dying. No joke, guys. My support team was incredible. Kory was so encouraging, prayerful, quiet, and sweet. Both midwives really honored my requests and stayed positive and supportive. One of my best friends was there photographing the experience and her presence was so sweet to me (I delivered her son in 2014). Anyway, Gina suggested I get in the bath and try to relax and Sena (the assisting midwife) sat there and sprayed my back with hot water for I don’t know how long. Around 8:15am I told Kory I was over it, the pain was overwhelming and I “couldn’t last hours more....” Seriously, I should know this feeling meant I was close to the end, but I couldn’t even think that far ahead. I remember crawling (yes crawling) from the bath tub back to my bed. Gina checked me and said there was only an anterior cervical lip left, I pushed passed it and had Knox out in less than 10 minutes. I felt so in control while pushing...every sensation I understood and I could feel him moving down...it was incredible! But really - from the point I gave up, Knox was out fifteen minutes later. Im embarrassed now that I wanted to give up, but in that moment the pain was just that intense. I cried and cried when I pulled Knox up on my chest. God had answered every one of my prayers - active labor was only 7 hours, Knox was a pound smaller than his sister, and I literally only pushed 10 minutes. The 24 hours after he was born were beautiful - introducing Hazel to her brother, wrapping my mind around having two children (!) and just resting with Kory marveling at this adorable son of ours. 

Hazel had critical levels of bilirubin after she was born (for those of you who know, her bilirubin was 26 at day 5) and she had to be in the NICU for five days - so this time around I had found a pediatrician who would prescribe a bili blanket at home if Knox needed jaundice treatment like his sister. At his 24 hour appointment both Gina, Kory, and I agreed that Knox looked yellow and we should run a bili test. I really thought we would just call the pediatrician and have him treated at home within the night if his levels were too high. Within a few hours we got the news his bilirubin was already within the critical range and home treatment was no longer an option. I cannot even express how disappointing this was. I cried all the way to the hospital...the disappointment of not being able to stay home was overwhelming. My pelvis and legs hurt so bad from giving birth I could hardly even walk into the hospital. The next six days ran together. I couldn’t hold my baby until 48 hours later - and then I could only hold him every 6 hours for 20 minutes. Watching Knox sit in a plastic box under lights and only being able to console him with my voice was heartbreaking. Kory and I were exhausted - sleep in the NICU is almost non-existent and then running back and forth between home and the hospital to make sure Hazel still felt loved and cared for was beyond overwhelming. Knox tested positive for the COOMBS test, which means he and I had a blood incompatibility. This was causing his red blood cells to die faster than he could replace, hence the critical levels of jaundice. Theres a 3% chance that any mother can have this with her child...and Im here to tell you that small percentage you never think will be you, happens. The initial doctor said he would need a blood transfusion, which he ended up not needing, thank God. I got some horrible news while being in the NICU with Knox - some of which might not be true, but it was heartbreaking nonetheless. I plan on seeing a high risk doctor sometime in the next year to decide what another pregnancy & birth will look like for me if I decide to have another baby. Between the blood incompatibility issue and a possible complication with being RH negative (0 neg blood type) future pregnancies might be more high risk. Ive struggled and grappled with this whole experience so much. I have days where I feel really cheated out of the first week of bonding with my baby...that Im this unlucky 3% where I can’t hold my babies for the first week of their lives. But since Knox has been home Ive filled his cup with as many cuddles and kisses as he might have missed out on that first week. Ive realized that although its so easy to have tunnel vision when your going through hard times, every mother I know has struggles and trials and hard things to work through in regards to their children. We always think our issue is the worst, but in reality we all struggle. Life is hard, so hard. Im sad for what happened with Knox. Im sad his little feet are all scarred from so many blood draws. Im sad I couldn’t lay in bed and hold him that first week. But Im comforted in knowing Im not alone. 

Amidst all the crazies of that first week after Knox was born, I feel so overwhelmed and grateful for the way God provided for our needs. First, my Kory - his love and support and positivity and comfort made a world of difference. My dad, who showed up every day at the NICU and drove me home to see Hazel when I was too sore to move. My sister, Courtney, who stayed for three weeks and loved on Hazel, made us delicious food, cleaned our house, and did laundry endlessly. Her service literally made a world of difference. My midwife, Gina, who cared faithfully and diligently for both me and Knox and showed up at the NICU on my worst day to encourage me. Nicole, what a faithful friend - who took beautiful pictures of Knox and brought me food at the NICU and sat and talked when I was alone. We had people come out of the woodwork supporting us and bringing us food. God is faithful!